


Nostalgia and Feathers

by cupcakekillian



Category: Once Upon a Time (TV)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-02
Updated: 2016-05-02
Packaged: 2018-06-06 01:20:57
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,270
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6732022
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cupcakekillian/pseuds/cupcakekillian
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>She had done as he asked. She had finally let him go. </p>
<p>That’s when the devastation came.</p>
<p>(set in 5x20)</p>
            </blockquote>





	Nostalgia and Feathers

**Author's Note:**

> Because Sunday night's episode left me in a sobbing mess and I needed to get really sentimental and also give myself a little hope to bide my time until next week.

He wasn’t sure how long he sat on that damn tree stump. Time had a funny way of moving when one was deceased. Certain moments seemed to move by at a glacial pace while others were over and done with in a heartbeat. He could’ve been sitting here for a thousand years. Emma could have already lived, died, and moved on and he would’ve had no idea.

 

Except he knew that wasn’t true for two reasons. 

 

Killian Jones wasn’t a stranger to time. He’d bent its laws in Neverland and managed to add 300 extra years to his lifespan. He knew how time worked. Up until recently, it had always been his friend; giving him more whenever he required it. He’d assumed that time was working with him because killing the Crocodile was his destiny. What he couldn’t see was the light at the end of the very dark tunnel. What he couldn’t see was her.

 

That was the other reason he knew that very little time had passed; because he could feel her. He felt her as soon as she had entered the Underworld, and he had just felt her leave not but a few hours ago. She had done as he asked. She had finally let him go. 

 

That’s when the devastation came.

 

He’d managed to keep it somewhat together when they were saying goodbye, only allowing a few tears to slip out. He’d given her that final kiss, trying to sear the feel of her into every recess of his brain. He’d pulled the elevator barrier down between them needing to cut himself off before he went weak and followed her to the portal. He’d kissed her hand as she’d gone up, attempting to console her one final time as he watched the tears roll down her face. He’d desperately grasped at her fingertips in a moment of weakness because this was it. This was their goodbye. This was their end. 

 

She was his _true love_ and she had to leave him. 

 

So when he felt her cross over, back to the land of the living, when he knew that she was finally, _finally_ safe, he allowed himself to crumble. No one could see him here, all alone in the Underworld. His family was gone, she was gone, and so he sat down on the stump of a dead tree and began to sob. 

 

He sobbed because he had known as soon as she had pulled him from beneath a pile of rotting corpses, bring him back to life, that she was it for him. 

 

He had known when they’d faced the giant together and she gave him a small glimpse into her soul. 

 

(He had known when she had abandoned him at the top of the beanstalk with said giant naught an hour later.)

 

He had known when he’d taken that damn bean and felt guilty for the first time in centuries. 

 

He had known when she’d kissed him in Neverland and he vowed in that moment to attempt to be better. 

 

He had known when he’d had to say goodbye to her on the town line, vowing to think of her each and everyday. 

 

He had known when he did just that. 

 

He had known when the man with the bean, with the way back to her, had asked for his ship in exchange and he gave it to him without hesitation. 

 

He had known when he allowed himself to be dragged back into the past just to save her sorry ass. 

 

He had known when she’d kissed him outside of Granny’s.

 

(He had also known that it would forever be his favorite spot in the world). 

 

He had known when they’d gone on that first date and she was the most beautiful thing he’d ever seen. 

 

He had known when Rumpelstiltskin had nearly taken her from him, and he had never been so afraid in his entire life.  

 

He had known even when he didn’t know and gave his life for her and her son. 

 

He had known when he’d lost her to the darkness. 

 

He had known when she said she loved him and the words knocked the wind out of him because he certainly didn’t deserve that. 

 

He had known when he’d watched her walk down the steps in Camelot in a pretty white dress.

 

(He had known when his mind had drifted to other scenarios in which she would be wearing a pretty white dress).

 

He had known when she had agreed to move in with him and he couldn’t keep the dopey smile off his face. 

 

He had known when he kissed her in that field of flowers.

 

(He had known when he almost died in it too).

 

He had known when he loved her even while she was at her worst.

 

He had known when she did the same for him. 

 

He had known when Nimue was choking her and the look in her eyes made him more terrified then he ever had been.

 

He had known when she had run him through with the dagger.

 

He had known when he’d seen her blurry figure standing over his grave.

 

He had known when she’d saved him from the River of Souls.

 

He had known when they’d taken that elevator down to complete their true love test.

 

He had known that Emma Swan was his true love the entire time. He just wasn’t sure she felt the same.

 

And then she had chosen him.

 

Emma Swan, princess, mother, fighter, savior had chosen the one-handed pirate with a drinking problem. She’d chosen the man that no one ever chose. She had chosen him.

 

Just in time for him to lose her. 

 

He didn’t just cry for her, no, because along with the gift that was Emma Swan in and of herself, she also gave him a family. 

 

And so he cried for Henry, a son.

 

He cried for David, a brother.

 

He cried for Snow, a mother.

 

He cried for Robin, a friend.

 

He cried for Regina, a… well that relationship was complicated.

 

That was why he had stayed down here, because if he had gone up with her, if he’d even attempted to say goodbye to his family, he would’ve never been able to recover. He would’ve never been able to find peace and he’d told Emma he would try. 

 

So he sat there and eventually the tears subsided and he tried to figure out what the hell he was going to do when the strangest damn thing happened. 

 

A feather, pure and white, blew, seemingly out of nowhere, across his boot. He picked it up carefully for fear it would disappear the moment he touched it, and gingerly spun it between his fingers. He was no feather expert, but he would recognize this type anywhere. It came from his favorite bird. 

 

It was a swan feather. 

 

There was no logical explanation as to why a swan feather would be billowing around in the depths of the Underworld. He didn’t know if it was a random coincidence or divine intervention and he found he didn’t much care. It sparked something in him, a desire to get home. He’d spent 300 years running on hate alone, love could sustain him for much longer. He was getting back to his family. And now that Emma was safe and sound he could take every measure to do it.

 

She had made him promise not to wait for her. So, he wouldn’t. Killian Jones was done waiting.

 

He was going to get back to Emma Swan if it was the last thing he did.


End file.
